A Letter I Could Send

I have always had this "Letters I Could Never Send" part in my blogs wherein I send out anonymous letters to people and bahala na sila to guess kung para sa kanila ba yon o hindi. But this time, this letter I have sent. And this is the only way I could express what I feel. This is the "raw-est" of raw.:(

To You:

Tunay nga atang nararamdaman mo yung lungkot kapag mag-isa ka na lang sa gabi. Well, technically hating gabi. Haha! Hindi ko alam kung kelan mo ito mababasa pero sobrang hindi tumitigil yung luha ko ngayon. Akala ko matatakasan ko yung lungkot na nararamdaman ko sa pag-alis mo. Sobrang optimistic ako the whole day. I tried to be optimistic-sounding nung nakausap kita sa telepono kanina. Kasi akala ko kaya kong mapanindigan na sobrang saya ko talaga para sa iyo. Pero hindi ko pala kayang takasan. Ang sakit sakit sakit ng pag-alis mo. Hindi ko pinapakita sa iba, lalo na sayo, kasi ayaw kitang pigilan sa pag-alis mo. Kasi alam kong mas makakabuti sayo yon. Pero gusto ko lang malaman mo na sobrang sakit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiiyak, di naman ako lasing. Hahahaha! Wala na akong makausap dito kasi tulog na lahat silang tinetext ko. I'm crying all by myself now. Baka kasi ayaw ko ring makita ng mga tao kasi ayaw kong makadagdag doon sa lungkot na nararamdaman ng lahat. Pero sobrang nalulungkot ako. Kahit lagi mo akong inaaway, lagi mo akong sinasaktan physically, kahit na lagi mo akong kinakanchawan kasi mahal ko si Dick at kahit lagi mo akong pinagtatawanan. I'd rather have that than feel what I'm feeling right now. Alam mo namang hindi ako ganun kagaling mag show ng emotions ko. Hahaha! Hindi ko nga rin alam kung nag me-make sense pa itong sinasabi ko. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na miss na miss na kita kahit kanina ka lang umalis. Hihintayin kita dito Sir Noel. Kahit na kung pagbalik mo hindi mo na ako maalala na may friend ka nga palang pangalan ay Virlynn (DRAMA! hahahaha!) Hindi kita malilimot kahit iyong limutin.:) (Yes, those are fake "hahaha-s" and fake smileys on this note) You'll be back soon! And when you're back, I hope that you'll be proud of whatever I have accomplished in my life in 2 years. Thank you for always believing that I can do things. Thank you thank you thank you. Magpakabait ka diyan!:D Huwag masyadong manlalalake ha!

Tunay ngang mararamdaman mo ang lungkot kapag mag-isa ka na lang sa gabi.

Why Can't You Take Me?

I first heard the song The Dance by Charlotte Martin in So You Think You Can Dance. I instantly fell in love with the song and the dance routine because it was very...Tim Burton-esque. Watch!:D

I took note of the song and placed it on my Stickies. Completely forgot about it! Well, not until today. I searched the song and lyrics...and I fell in love with it again. Here's the song and the lyrics:

Inside my mouth i can hear all the voices say 
do not lean over the ledge 
i shouldn't look down and i shouldn't have found 
that your lips i still taste in my head 
raising my glass to the head of the class 
as she powers out steps one through ten 
i think I'll be fine if I'm covered in wine 
nice to hate you and love you again 
and see you again 
and see you again 

weary and worn little monster is born 
tell me lies and I'll justify them 
desperate today and it's making me pay 
for that night for that kiss for your bed 
whoever dared to love someone out there 
i don't need a balloon and a pin 
the name of the game is outrunning the blame 
so i hate you and love you we're friends 
guess we'll be friends 
i guess we'll be friends 

oh why (why) can't (can't) you take me in your arms now? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me in your arms now? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me? 

better stop crying hello and goodbye-ing 
go on through me slip right through my hands 
you get your time and the other half's mine 
it's okay this love weighs fifty men 
it's okay this love weighs fifty men 
it's okay this love weighs fifty men 

oh why (why) can't (can't) you take me in your arms now? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me in your arms now? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me? 
why (why) can't (can't) you take me in your arms now? 
why can't you take me? 

amen 
amen 
amen 
amen

Hahaha! Emo mode? Hindi kasi dapat ako binanatan tungkol sa kaduwagan ko sa pag-ibig sa Mock Rehearsals kanina eh. Tsk tsk tsk. Hahahaha!

What I Have Been Up to?:)

Yes, I don't have any proper posts for the last few days. It's because things are really getting tough with the shows and all.:( I want a perfect run but I can't seem to get it. I buckled like hell during my last show. I hated that show.:( But ohwell. I'm still proud of the material. I am very thankful for the smart people who watched.:) You need brains to get the play.:D

Watch me if you still can!:D

My shows: Jan 21 (7pm), 22 (2pm), 28 (7pm), 30 (7pm)

Rizal Mini Theater, Ateneo de Manila University

Photo is by Kevin Tatco:)

According to the Mystic Medusa 2010 Horoscope...

My 2010 will be...

 SAGITTARIUS

Style: Gorgeous citizen of the world that you are, your signature style is ravingly eclectic. Yes, turquoise is your official and lucky stone but you’ll grab anything that takes your fancy and make it your own. The Sagg speciality is combining haute and low, to devastating effect. eg; faded old jeans with a diamond tennis bracelet. A long gown for dinner by the beach with sandy bare feet. You’re getting wealthier in 2010, all the better to manifest your unique vision.

Happiness: You are renowned for candour and this obviously does not make you the greatest corporate player in history. But this year you enjoy a far greater degree of basic smarts when it comes to biz and work situations. Use April to June for redefining your vocational stance and upskilling if appropriate. Sensational opportunities arrive in July; Be prepped. Any time from September is spectacular for a retreat or deeply personal journey of discovery.

Love: Late May through to mid-August is when the fun begins. Think: Sudden romance, lust at first sight and exciting trips undertaken in the name of love. From September, you are in a situation where your relationship life feels blended with spiritual pursuits. As your ruler, lucky Jove, is in the home sector, you’ve a huge chance of hooking up with a new love interest via your family or a childhood friend. It’s also a prime time for fertility and babies.

Okay! Sabi mo yan ah! Walang bawian! Bwahahahaha! I will sue you if nothing in here comes true. I swear! Hahaha!

Check out your horoscope too! http://galadarling.com/article/mystic-medusa-2010-horoscopes

Formspring.me

Ask me random questions! Hahaha! Nakakatawa yung pinaka unang tanong na pumasok. It's from my friend, Erick.:)

Ask ask ask!:D I shall answer!

http://www.formspring.me/iamvirlynn

Or you can simply ask me thru the formspring box on my sidebars.:)

Random Thoughts at 2:59AM

1. I decided not to sleep tonight. I don't know why. So many things are running through my mind and I can't sleep. I need to dissect (aka overthink) each one of them.

2. I am scared shitless. Opening night for our upcoming play is a week's time. Costumes are not yet done, memorization hurdle is still there, and I can't make my "subtle baliw-baliwan" work. Although our director told me what I did was fine, I'm not happy with what I'm doing. Maybe that's why I don't want to sleep. I want to go to Ateneo as early as I can so I can rehearse onstage.

3. Coffee maker is broken. I don't like you.

4. I look at how uninspiring my life is without theater. That's going to be pretty sooooon.

5. I hate small nailcutters. (HUWAT?! hahahaha!) Really. I only cut my toenails since I nailbite (read: fingers) so I need big nailcutters for my toenails so it the cut would be flawless.

6. I want to go to Anawangin. My friend, Mika, showed me pictures of the place and it is....WHOA! (ganun lang talaga yung reaction!) hahahaha!

7. I'm afraid to open a formspring.me account kasi baka walang magtanong. Bwahahahaha!

8. I can't stop playing this song over and over and over again. It's Crawl by Chris Brown. Pang-fighter.:D

There.:D I'll try to think of something else to do.:)

Famous Last Words

Reblogged from Edith.:)

My favorite is the last number.:)

Famous Last Words (Pinoy Style!)

Mga huling salitang nadinig bago sila namatay.

1. Diyos ko po!

2. Susmaryosep!

3. Teka, mukhang dinamita ata ito.

4. Anong truck?

5. Oooppsss.

6. Hindi ako lasing.

7. Para saan itong switch?

8. Amoy usok ba?

9. OK lang, ‘di yan loaded.

10. Whoops. Nahulog ang wallet ko sa riles ng MRT.

11. Wag yan!

12. Anong plano mo? Patayin ako?

13. Wow. Ang taba mo pala.

14. Nice doggie.

15. Poisonous kaya yang ahas?

16. Relax ka lang, ginawa ko na ‘to dati.

17. ‘Di ako pahuhuli nang buhay!

18. Don’t worry, hindi ‘to masakit.

19. Baka makuryente tayo dito.

20. Ano ba yang nakain natin? Lasang lason.

Favorite ko talaga yung lasang lason! Hahahaha!:)

Year Ender Blog Part 2

Back when I was using Multiply, I would usually have a "Letters I Could Never Send" Series. It sort of stopped. I dunno why. Haha! So here I am again with my Letters I Could Never Send for 2009.:)

To You, you, you and all of you: Thank you for believing that I can do this. Thank you for always accepting me. Pinakabuhay ako sa teatro at salamat sa palaging pagbubukas ng inyong mga bisig para tanggapin ako. Hindi na po ako iinom bago manood. Promise.:(

To You: I am very, very, very happy for you. Pero hindi ka na namin nakakasama tulad ng dati.:( Parang nahawa ka na sa kanya.:( Nega. But just so you know, we are always here to support you!:)

To You: Nega mo. Please tama na. Nauubos na lakas namin. Dy-ing dy-ing dead.

To You and You: Thank you for feeling what I'm feeling. Always. Di ko alam kung bakit niyo laging kaya yon!:)

To You: I don't have to explain to anyone else but you. I am very sorry for all the pain I've done.:( I am so sorry if I've taken my "evil-ness" to the next level. I'm sorry for hurting you.:( Let me make it up to you. 2010 will be our year.:)

To You: I started a clean slate with you for 2010. Yun lang, okay lang.

To You: Kahit na hindi na tayo masyadong nagkikita dahil may pamilya ka na, always know that we are always here for you. Maraming salamat dahil hindi mo kami iniwan sa ere dahil TAYO TAYO NA NGA LANG MAGKAKAKAMPI. Bwahahahaha! Joke lang! I hope you're truly happy now.:)

To You: Bakit kapag asa Pilipinas ka feeling ko ang lakas lakas ko? Bwahahaha! Parang bato ni Darna?:) Thank you.:) Kahit minsan ayaw na kitang paalisin ng Pilipinas.:(

To You: Finally nakapagpaalam na ako kung pwede ba kitang tawaging Mentor. Bwahahaha! Kahit lasing ako non, seryoso ako dun.:) Thank you Sir for everything.:)

To You: Salamat nagwawalls down ka sa amin.:) You are a good person. Kung ayaw maniwala ng iba, kebs! Surround yourself nga with people who will support you, right?:)

To You: Thank you for letting me understand you.:) Who would have thunk that we'll be this close, right?:) Thank you for 2009! Magkakalovelife ka na ng 2010! I can feel it! I can feel it!:D Yes, yes?:) And we should spend Christmas together in Pototan! Bring me bring me!:D

To You: Kahit mas importante yung ka-text mo, or yung plurk sitter mo kesa sa amin, maraming salamat pa rin. Infernez sayo ariba naman ang 2009 mo. I just hope na lagi kang mag-iiwan ng something for yourself.:) Always?:D Yes?:D

To You: 2010 will be your year. You will finally be happy and you will finally get what you want.:) Tell me something I don't know. Hahaha! Thank you for 2009 memories. Japanese Sweet Corn. <3 Sugar Dumplings (KASUKA! Hahaha!)

To You and You: Thank you for creating a world that I could always run to. Thank you for rushing to Kopi Roti when I need help, thank you for meeting up with me kahit saan man when I need to get away. Thank you thank you thank you. 2010, I will be of service to the both of you.:)

To You: Salamat di mo ako iniwan.:)

and finally...

To You: Let it all go. Forgive them even if they are not sorry.

2010 na!!!!:D

Year-ender Blog Part 1

These are the things I've learned in 2009:

In January, 2009 taught me that...
1. It is possible to reach the high notes when you push your diaphragm downwards.
2. I can perform with a basket attached to my costume and I can work with only two fingers and two toes.
3. You can fall in "heavy like" with a "normal" friend.

In February, 2009 taught me that...
1. Valentines is overrated.

In March, I was taught to...
1. Hope.
2. Never assume.
3. Never, ever, EVER text first.

In April, 2009 taught me that...
1. I can give everything to someone who I "heavy liked"
2. I can be part of something that I have wished for a very, very, very long time.

In May 2009, I learned...
1. Being kyombs on stage is not that hard. (Bwahahahahahaha!)
2. I can really hurt myself when I'm drunk. (And I can judge people like there's no tomorrow...when I'm drunk)
3. Knowing that your friend is pregnant is one of the happiest news I have ever received in my entire life.:)

In June I learned to...
1. Build my confidence up so I can "strip" on stage.
2. Being in one play doesn't help build what was there before.
3. Being alternates with Yani Monroy is one of the most insecure-est moments of my life.:)

In July, I learned to...
1. Just let go.

In August, 2009 taught me that...
1. I can quit my job even if I don't have concrete plans.
2. Theater is my life.
3. I can build new friendships.

In September, 2009 taught me to...
1. Reassess my life plans. It was worth it.
2. Looking for flowers for Pat can lead you to Manila. Somehow. Hahaha!:)
3. Stage Management is the shiz!

In October, 2009 taught me that...
1. I can now afford to go to Bora on my own.
2. If you're drunk, don't go watch a play.

In November, 2009 taught me that...
1. I must let it all go.
2. LAE is the shit.
3. You learn a lot from older people. Believe them.

In December 2009 taught me to...
1. Shut my mouth up.
2. Lift my head up when performing
3. Yani Monroy will never ever remember birthdays. Wag nang magtampo.
4. Seeing someone you "heavy liked" makes you wonder if it's really love or just heavy like.
5. There's a big difference between "Okay Na" and "Okay lang"
6. Real friends know right timing. All the time.

Woohoo!!!:D
Still not feeling well, but kebs! New year! New year! New Year!

Right timing

I love it when you feel irritated (especially with my family today) then a message from a friend pops out of nowhere...

Awww. I remembered you Vir! Allow yourself to be happy once in a while, you deserve it. Don’t be scared about what’s going to happen, basta you just know and remember that at that moment you were truly, genuinely happy. <3>

Thank you, Edith! You are my supermegastar!:)

Sleep

I feel so tired today.

Yet when I lie down, my body doesn't want to cooperate.

I've been sleep-deprived today yet my body says no to sleep.

Why are you choosy?! Go sleep!

I'll be lucky once in a while,

maiidlip ng kaunti and then my body lets go of it.

It really doesn't want to sleep.

What is wrong with yooouuuu???

Anong gusto mo, inom ulit tayo?

Pahinga naman tonight.

Bira na lang ulit bukas.

Para hindi masyadong ma-down...

I present...VJ Greg.:)

In the samer!:)

I might be going out of my mind.

Ilang gabi na.

May weirdong nangyayari sa utak ko. (Sana nga utak.)

Nalulungkot lang ako for no apparent reason. (Or di ko lang inaamin? Di ko alam!)

As in yung heart-wrenching sadness.

Nababaliw na ata ako.

Grant me the desire...

It's Simbang Gabi season! In an hour from now, I'll be off again to my 3rd day of the Simbang Gabi.

I am not a very religious person but I still believe that there is a higher being. It is not very often that I get "spiritual" desires whenever I go to mass. Usually, I sit there because it is required. My mom would probably kill me if I miss Sunday mass.

When I was younger, I would go to Simbang Gabi so that I can see my "village crush". Kadiri, diba? And I finished those 9 mornings just so I can wish for my "village crush" and me to be together. I was very frustrated when it didn't come true. Little did I know that eventually my "village crush" and I would not mesh quite perfectly. Kaya pala hindi binigay ni God!

Now I am aiming again to complete the 9 mornings despite the lack of sleep. This time around, I won't be wishing for "lovelife" nor be wishing to see my "village crush" in church. I realized that this year, I would complete the 9 mornings to thank God for everything he has given me for 2009. The priest told us in the homily on the 1st morning that everything starts from desire. If we lose desire, we can always ask God to grant us the desire. For it is only in desire that we can continue to do what we have always wanted. I desire to finish the Simbang Gabi because this is my way of finally giving back what God has given me. May He forgive me for all the wrongdoings I have done for this year. And may He bring back my old trusting self because in the end I can only pray...

Dear God,

Grant me the desire to change.

Grant me the desire to still believe in the goodness of people.

Amen.

Ho-hum

My newest desktop picture...

Birthday Salubong!:)

ENTA taught me the concept of a salubong.:) Siyempre hindi ko palalagpasin ang taong ito ng hindi nagsasalubong.:) Thank you to everyone who came. And thank you to my Bora friends especially for the wonderful surprise at 12midnight.

Tagal matapos ng rehearsals.:(

It's drinking time in Que Rico!

May mga tao rin na hindi nakaabot ng 12midnight dahil Cinderella story! For example, Yani Monroy! Hahahaha!

Rhum coke is the best!

My friends made a cake for me.:) Thaaank yooouuu!!!

And now...for their surprise gifts (drum roll):

The theme is ZEBRA...kaya eto na...

Zebra ballpen from Lei!:)

The serious gift: A zebra-printed scarf. I love it! It's purple pa!:)

Thanks Pat and Lei for the gift!!!:) I wore it na as a head piece, as a scarf and as a decoration for my black bag.:D

Pao gave me a balloon dog na drinawingan nila ng stripes para maging zebra.

The "zebra's" name is Vick.

Pao's serious gift: Nina Garcia's second book and white toblerone inside a cheetah printed "chest". Thanks Pao! Was able to strike out one of the items in my wishlist.:)

Kate gave me the zebra ears! She made me promise that I'll wear it during my birthday. Ginawa ko naman. Hahaha!

Timee gave me a zebra-printed memo pad!:)

Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko bang gamitin o tignan na lang forever! Hahahah!:) Pag ginagamit ko siya, gumagawa muna ako ng scratch tapos saka ko isusulat dito! Hahahaha!

Sir Jet gave me...a pilot pentel na parang may zebra print sa dulo.

BWAHAHAHA! Laugh trip!:) Nagamit ko na siya as pang-retouch sa stripes ni Vick. Hahahaha!:)

Thank you to everyone who came to my salubong!:) Thank you to everyone who greeted me on Facebook, Twitter, Plurk and text. I very very much appreciated it.:)

12-year old kid trapped in a 23-year old body.:)

Lady Gaga Medley

The best I've heard so far.:) Medyo OA nga lang yung first part (Rarah-ah-ah Roma-roma ah-ah! Hahahaha!) But the rest of the song is awesome!:)

I want this as an MP3.:)

Good job Sam Tsui!:)

Super Fast Updates!

1. Thank you to every every one who greeted me! Happy happy birthday to me! I'm finally 23! I can now sing Plumb's Real. (Look at me, I'm 23...)

2. Headed to Eastwood on my birthday to get a quick haircut. I now have "severe" "unruly" bangs. But I still love et! Kahit mukha akong poodle!

Our family's gold fish fez.:)

Thanks Kate for the Zebra ears!:D

3. I got the Starbucks tumbler as a gift to myself! Yay!:) Naubusan ako nito the last time. Magandang timing. Thanks Edith for coming with me!:D

Challenge na lang na wag maiwan ito dahil aakalain kong gamit na plastik na lang siya at hindi tumbler. Hahaha!:)

4. Bought a red plain planner from Scribe. Thank you to my dear sister for helping me "repaint" it. Thank you to your acrylic paint and brushes.:)

Before.:(

After.:)

Kitams the unruly bangz! Anubuzz! Hahaha!

5. Medyo adik sa Photo Booth??

Will make a full post on my birthday. Mahaba-haba yon ah! Hahaha!

Thank you thank you!:D