More to Life

I have the tendency to be very, very superficial. Today I went to the gym because I was inspired by my new gym clothes.  I went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf with friends because I "needed" my coffee. I drank flavored beer because it's new and it's cool.

Nothing wrong with enjoying these things in life.:)

But when you come home and read online that a friend's mom passed away and how he's struggling right now, everything just goes down the drain. You suddenly think "What the hell am I doing with my life?" "Am I worthy of this life?"

I bet many others are better than what I am right now. They have a good relationship with God, they are close with their families, they never lie to their friends and the list goes on and on. Yet, I seldom change to become better thinking that people should accept who I really am.

I'm scared to die. I'm not ready for it. If God takes away my life today, I would...I don't know....I'm not ready for it. I know I am not the best version of myself...yet. I do not have a steady career, I hate staying at home and I haven't reached all my dreams yet.

I know, though, why I can't. It's because I'm afraid to fail. I am afraid of taking risks. I guess, with this life change that I want in my life, taking risks should be part of it. I should take risks more often. I know it's hard, but I don't want to end up being afraid to die.

Death is a beautiful thing. May it be physical or metaphorical. We'll never know what's in store for all of us after "death". But I guess death is the only way one can be reborn. Death is a gift. And I must learn how to face every "death" with the best version of myself.